Many times along this journey with Josiah the path has looked rather bleak. Try as I might to look for joy and find humor, it’s not always easy. There are times quite honestly, I just wish we were on a different road, one demanding less but promising more. If it weren’t for this blog, I would probably never even admit that to myself let alone anyone else.
In those difficult moments I feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for Josiah and I feel sorry for our family. I compare our lives to others and wonder why we don’t have it as easy as so many do. Why the constant struggles? Why the increasing aggression? Why the daily battles?
Wallowing in self pity is not something I’d recommend. I don’t allow myself to wallow for long. It does no good to compare one life to another. We all have struggles. I find instead, it helps to focus on something much more pleasant. Daydreaming about Bora Bora has gotten me through some of those challenging moments. I envision a life of beachful bliss, as if it’s a reality in my near future and suddenly the difficulties don’t seem so bad. With light at the end of the tunnel or rather Bora Bora at the end of the challenge, it empowers me to continue somehow. The key is to take your eyes off your current situation.
Listening to encouraging music helps too. When I hear an inspirational song, with lyrics written seemingly just for me, I hang on. I download the music and play it over and over and over again. It changes everything. My focus shifts, my mood improves and before long I’m singing along. Lyrics that resonate with me from Steven Curtis Chapman’s song, ‘Take Another Step’ are these:
We walk by faith and not by sight we know it’s true
We say it and sing it and love the way it sounds
But none of us can even begin to truly understand
What it really means ‘til all the lights go out
And there we are nothing to hold on to
But the promises God’s made to me and you
Take another step, take another step
When the road ahead is dark
And you don’t know where to go
Take another step, take another step
Trust God and take another step
If there’s an ocean in front of you
You know what you’ve gotta do
Take another step and another step
Maybe He’ll turn the water into land
And maybe He’ll take your hand and say
Let’s take a walk on the waves
Will you trust Me either way
And take another step
Take another step
I especially love this part…maybe there’s an ocean in front of you, you know what you’ve gotta do, take another step and another step. Maybe He’ll turn the water into land and maybe He’ll take your hand and say, Let’s take a walk on the waves.
So comforting! We are not alone. God is with us. We are either going to witness a miracle with water turning into land or we will be walking on the waves with Him. Nothing compares to that reassurance, not even Bora Bora.
Josiah’s been rather aggressive today, extremely non compliant and quite challenging. Some days are like this. No worries. We’ve got this. Not witnessing any miracles just yet, but heading out now to go take a walk on the waves. Care to join us?
Once again, another outstanding blog! Really from the heart and you know it is what a lot of people are thinking, but don’t want to voice. Bravo to you for opening up, speaking so sincerely and laying it out there for all to see.
Bora Bora!!!
: o ) I so appreciate your encouragement!! Had a very rough morning with Josiah. As the aide was struggling to get him in the building, I commented, “Did I mentioned I’ll be out of the country for a month?” She looked stunned and of course I quickly added, “Just kidding!” But in my head, I’m already there…Life just had to be better in Bora Bora, right?
Sandy, I meant to respond to this earlier. Thank you for your honesty. I know exactly how you feel – but have never admitted it. I catch myself comparing our family to others and have to stop myself. Your right, it is not good to wallow in self pity. I feel I should be “seasoned” and have gotten over those feelings. But, of course that is not the case – we will always have those thoughts now and again. And others who might not have the same challenges, but different challenges, are feeling the same way too ! It’s part of our nature I guess. I don’t know the reason but there is a purpose here and that is what I hang on to. God prepared my heart for Chad before he came into this world and sometimes I feel like I am failing him at my task. I pray for wisdom, courage, patience, persistency, humbleness and energy every day 🙂 I love the positive music – it’s like God is speaking directly to you through those words and melody to keep you encouraged 🙂 Journaling is helpful too and your blog allows for that ! You are also sharing great information with others and helping them along the way as well ! THANK YOU for that ! Your continues faith and strength are truly an inspiration !
Awe, thank you Heidi! Truly it’s a day to day adventure isn’t it? Without the grace of God it would not be possible. And yet, through all the struggles and challenges I truly feel we are so blessed to have these hurdles in our life. We would not be where we are today (often times on our knees praying for wisdom) without them. God is good, all the time! Thank you reading and commenting. It helps to feel connected through the miles and to know we can encourage one another through the journey! : o )