The other day, my sister told me to watch a Ted Talk: Martin Pistorius: How my mind came back to life – and no one knew.  If you’ve never seen it, stop reading this and watch it.  Here’s the link: https://www.ted.com/talks/martin_pistorius_how_my_mind_came_back_to_life_and_no_one_knew

Amazing isn’t it?  Shortly after watching it I googled, ‘how to teach a non verbal teenager to communicate’ and stumbled upon this website: I Love ABA.  The author, an ABA provider wrote: The behavioral piece of communication is HUGE. It can’t be stated enough: Children who cannot communicate or are non-verbal have some of the most persistent and challenging problem behaviors. Why? Well, just imagine that you are placed in an environment where no one speaks your language. If you speak English, everyone else speaks French. If you speak Arabic, everyone else speaks German. Now imagine that you are hungry and must convince these people to feed you. How long would you try pointing and gesturing, before you started pushing people and throwing things?

Powerful huh?  And so true.  It’s always been very clear to me much of Josiah’s aggression, which has drastically been reduced, PRAISE GOD, is from frustration. My mantra for many years has been, ‘Josiah needs a functional form of communication in all of his environments.’ When presented with something he doesn’t want, he signs ‘finished’, then hits himself in the head. ‘Finished’ is the only sign he has.  It’s all he can use.

I told the CNA at the hospital the other night all about the remarkable Ted Talk I had watched.  I told her about the blog quote I found.  We talked about how frustrating it must be for Josiah to not have words and to be undergoing so many changes with so many different people caring for him.  Then she told me this story.

A few days earlier when she was working with Josiah, he got up out of bed and grabbed her hand.  She assumed he was going to push her out of the room and close the door.  She said, “No, Josiah.  I’m not going anywhere.  I’m staying right here.”  He sat back on the bed and WHAM, bapped himself in the head.  A few minutes later, he got out of bed and grabbed her hand again. Her refusal to budge resulted in more blows to his head.  This scenario played out many times. After 30 minutes, she started to think, maybe he was trying to tell her something.

The next time he grabbed her hand, she asked, “What do you want me to do Josiah?”  He pulled her over to the couch and sat next to her. All he wanted was for her to sit by his side.  She had misunderstood.

She told me she felt so terrible once she realized her mistake.  I commended her for eventually LISTENING to him and responding to his request.  I also told her it just goes to show Josiah has incredible perseverance. He was frustrated, sure.  But he didn’t give up.  He had no other way to ask her to sit by him other than to grab her hand, hoping she would follow him, over and over and over again.  Incredible!

Josiah has taught me so much over the years.  I know there are many more lessons to come, but this one I’m hanging onto. It takes so much energy and effort for him to ‘tell’ us what he wants. We get it wrong most every single time. Yet, he keeps trying.  He doesn’t give up. He knows exactly what he wants and just keeps trying until we eventually get it. Or, as is more often the case, we don’t.

That poor boy must think we are all just a bunch of bumbling idiots!