Whatever It Takes

By Sandy on September 30, 2015

He let me stay. For nearly an hour I laid right beside Josiah on his hospital bed and we played with a string of bright, shiny, purple beads. I could hardly believe it myself, but here’s proof.

I held them high above his head for a while to give Josiah’s arm a break; my way of ensuring he wouldn’t push me out. I was well aware, those Mardi Gras beads were the priority in this scenario, not me. I just used them to my advantage. When I got tired, rather than taking the beads back, Josiah reached over and held my arm up.

I’m here to tell you guys, your prayers are working. Last week at this time, there is absolutely, positively no way Josiah would have let me get this close or even stay in his room for as long as I did Monday night. He was far more interested in pushing me away, punching himself in the head and slamming doors at that point.

Living in Holland

By Sandy on September 29, 2015

In 1987, the year Rick and I got married, well before we had any children, Emily Perl Kingsley wrote ‘Welcome to Holland’. It’s a sweet essay from a parent’s perspective of what it’s like to discover you will be parenting a special needs child, when all along you had been anticipating a ‘normal’ child.

I read it 15 years later, when Josiah was first born. Having a child with a disability she says, is like going on a greatly anticipated vacation, but ending up in a different country than you had expected. You planned for Italy and could hardly wait for the splendor and wonder of Italy. You boarded the plane with great expectations and enthusiasm, only to find the pilot screwed up somehow (my words, not hers) and you ended up in Holland. Rather than mourn the loss of Italy, Emily suggests you embrace Holland for Holland has much to offer you hadn’t ever considered.

Hugs

By Sandy on September 28, 2015

This alone is worth the 2 hour round trip drive to see Josiah every day. This fills my heart with so much joy. This gives me hope our boy will be back home someday soon.

However, this is Josiah, thinking if he allows a quick embrace, I will leave. Immediately afterwards, he always pushes me away, as if to say, ‘There, I am done with you, now go.” Baby steps! This is a work in progress. I’ll be patient.

Today, I’m just going to leave many, many times.

Who Needs Words?

By Sandy on September 27, 2015

If this isn’t communication, I don’t know what is:

I know EXACTLY how that table feels.

Prayer Works

By Sandy on September 26, 2015

Without a shadow of a doubt I am convinced prayer works. I’ve known it for a long time. I’ve heard and read many times about people who have prayed very specifically for something they needed, then watched as God answered that prayer. Sometimes it seems prayers go unanswered. Other times an answer comes but in a completely different way than expected.

I don’t pretend to have great wisdom about prayer. In my head I’m a prayer warrior. I lift everything up to God, never worrying, always trusting. He is sovereign and will guide with infinite wisdom according to His plan and purpose. But in my head I also live in Bora Bora so what does that tell you? The world in my head and my reality are two completely different places.