You know how it’s never a great idea to ignore a quiet toddler in another room?  I’m here to tell you it’s not a great idea to sleep through the night, neglecting to check on a quiet Josiah either.

You know this cute little poop emoji? I can only guess the mom of an autistic child came up with that one, just to make it easier when texting other moms of autistic kids.  Much quicker to dash off a single emoji when running late than a long, elaborate, TMI text which would only conjure up unpleasant images most every mom of an autistic child spends the majority of her life trying to pretend is not part of her daily existence.  Best to avoid that scenario altogether.

Back to this morning.

Picture bunches of those little guys all over Josiah’s room this morning. Now picture even more of those little guys.  Imagine them ground into the carpet, and rubbed on the walls. Envision them smeared on the sheets and comforter.  How about seeing them fall out of Josiah’s backwards jammies all down the hall as we make our way to the bathroom?

Are any of them smiling with big expressive eyes?

Do you remember scented stickers from years ago?  I’m guessing if emoji’s ever became stickers they would omit this particular one from ever becoming a scented one.

It took 2 sleepy adults with many pairs of disposable gloves, a boatload of baby wipes, a bottle of Odoban, a can of Lysol, a large fan, some open windows, a garden hose, a washer and dryer, a bathtub, body wash, shampoo and lotion to tidy up those cute little guys.

Did I mention the purchase of  a power scrub deluxe carpet cleaner?

In the past month we have rented 2 carpet steam cleaners for 24 hours each time.  Today it just made financial sense to purchase one of our own.  Hey, maybe we can rent it out to other moms of autistic children and it would pay for itself?

One quick emoji text and I’d throw that sucker into the trunk of my van, speedily racing to get it where it needs to go.  I’d even offer this service all hours of the day and night.  Josiah doesn’t sleep much.  He loves to ride in the van.  I could toss him in the back seat, dash off down the road and make midnight deliveries as necessary.

The more I think about it, the smarter this plan becomes.

You’ve heard of doggy doo doo disposal services?  Kind of the same thing.  Only, I’d draw the line at the disposal part.  I’ll happily bring you our steam cleaner.  I’ll commiserate with you as you drag your sleepy self out of bed to deal with the mess.  I may even offer coffee and a hazmat suit to make things a tad bit better.

My deepest apologies here, but I need to let you know from the get-go, I will not hang around to offer my assistance as you clean up the room or your kid.  That my friend is where my generosity ends.  Oh and one more thing.  You can only keep the cleaner for a few hours.

Most likely I will need it in the morning.