Next week I will be taking Josiah to an appointment I would rather avoid. It is going to take courage to get him to that appointment. It is going to take courage to get him through that appointment. It’s even going to take courage after the appointment.  I had hoped we would never go down this path. But it appears we have no choice.

Josiah has been punching himself in the head. He punches hard with both fists. He hits himself on the sides of his head, right at his temples. When he is frustrated, he punches. He is strong. His punches are fierce. There have been times in which he has left huge bruises on his face. I can think of only 3 times, but even 1 time is too many.

The last time it happened, it looked like he had been in an accident. His cheeks were swollen and discolored. His ear was black and blue. This was no accident. These injuries were self inflicted. We can’t always predict when Josiah will explode into a rage. It comes on quickly. When it happens, he becomes so distraught and inconsolable that all we can do in the moment is block his arms to help prevent injury. It doesn’t always work.

Both Rick and I have taken some of the blows Josiah intended for himself. The force behind them astounds me. They are quite intense. They are quite painful. I’ve noticed lately even minor frustrations sometimes cause Josiah to punch at his temples. It’s almost a knee jerk reaction. It concerns me this behavior is increasing.

When Josiah rages, which is really the best way I can think to describe it, there is not a lot of protection for him. We do our best to keep him from hurting himself, but it’s not enough. So, next week Josiah and I will meet with a specialist who will measure him for a helmet. Can you imagine? My sweet little boy needing a helmet to protect himself from himself?

I don’t want him to wear it. I don’t want to even have one in our house. I want nothing to do with the whole process. But, it’s not up to me. Given the option, there are many paths we would avoid. In this instance, we don’t have that option. So, this will be a new season for all of us. I’m not sure what it will look like. I’m not sure what all lies ahead. But trusting God, we will move forward.

My hope is this will be a temporary ‘fix’. My hope is we will be able to help Josiah acquire better coping skills when he’s frustrated. My hope is Josiah will not ever need to wear that helmet because he will never desire to injure himself ever again.

My hope is to HOPE.