It has been 9 weeks since Josiah has been in the hospital.  That’s 63 days.  I’m ready for him to be home.  I’m done with this fun. On Saturday, we were told Josiah would be discharged November 5th.  I didn’t take that well. How can three and a half more weeks be justified?  What goals does Josiah have to meet to be considered healthy enough to leave?

To me, he seems so much better.  He’s calmer.  He’s sleeping through the night most nights. He’s eating great.  There is still some minor aggression but quite honestly I don’t think we will ever eliminate that completely. So how can they warrant keeping him til November?

Sunday, it was amended to 1-2 weeks only.  Monday, back to 3-4 more.  Josiah’s behavior has not changed much from Saturday to Monday, so why the fluctuation?

Wednesday is the day they do rounds as a team with each kid.  They meet to discuss progress and tweak plans.  I should have a more accurate discharge date today.

Tuesday an OT came in to talk to me about Josiah’s sensory issues and wants to start seeing him 2-3 times a week.  I find that very interesting because I was pushing for OT and PT for him the very first week he was there.  He didn’t qualify for either service apparently.  I’m really not sure why. Now, suddenly he does?

Right when I’m thinking we are seeing light at the end of the tunnel and our boy is ‘rehabilitated’ enough to come back home, they are starting something new with him.  You know what I think? I think that’s a bunch of baloney. But I’m a bit cranky today, so take that with a grain of salt.

While the O.T. was consulting with me about Josiah’s needs, he proceeded to toss his lunch on the floor. She was diverting my attention away from him and he was letting me know he was not cool with that.

We don’t have a caregiver for him anymore when he does come home which makes me very sad. We will greatly miss Josiah’s amazing caregiver.  I know God has a plan and I trust everything will work out as it should.  Without a caregiver, I shouldn’t be in such a great hurry to get him back here.  There are too many loose ends that need to be tied up in preparation for his return.  It will take time.

He’s in good hands and is being well cared for where he’s at.  I’m just feeling sad today, missing my boy and wishing my life was a wee bit different. I’m feeling overwhelmed and discouraged and just want to have someone else take care of everything while I am whisked away to a tropical location.  It’s so selfish and I hate to even be thinking these things.

I know all the scriptures I should be focusing on to remind me I am not alone and God is working all things out for good. But, sometimes, it’s just a no good, very bad day.

Josiah is the one who has had to adjust the most.  He’s the one who has had his little life turned upside down and probably doesn’t really even understand it all.  He seems to be doing just fine. I’m the one who isn’t. I’m just feeling a little bit sorry for myself at the moment.

It’s never a good idea to feel sorry for yourself. Somebody, somewhere has it far worse and is not wasting any time moping about it.  Count it all joy! Time for me to go count my blessings and get my happy face back on.

After I toss my lunch to the floor.