We made it through our lengthy hospital stay at Rainbow Babies by the Grace of God. And by the kindness and compassion of many family members and friends. Many thoughtful people, some of whom we had never met brought meals to our home on a regular basis. We had many visitors at the hospital who showered us with cards and flowers and take out meals from our favorite restaurants. Many people prayed for us. It helped tremendously.
Near the end of our stay, I felt exhausted. Staying at the hospital non-stop, changing diapers, feeding and rocking babies and not sleeping much at all, eventually took it’s toll. A very dear friend who just happened to be a nurse in another hospital and a wonderfully sweet sister-in-law came to the rescue. Despite my misgivings about leaving my children, each insisted I needed to get OUT of that hospital. They were right.
They stayed with my kids. One held Josiah and cared for him and the other dealt with Chandler and her I.V. issue.
I remember driving home that blustery cold wintry day. I felt so free. Yet, I felt badly about leaving my sick children at the hospital. I knew they needed me. I felt badly about having ignored my healthy children who were still at home. I knew they needed me. I felt badly for thinking I wanted nothing more than to get on a plane and get away somewhere for a few days. All alone.
I felt so selfish.
A song came on the radio. Even to this day, nearly 9 years later, when I hear that song, I am right back in that place. The emotions I felt at that moment come flooding back. These are the lyrics I will never forget:
Everything that could go wrong
All went wrong at one time
So much pressure fell on me
I thought I was gonna lose my mind
Lord, I know You wanna see
If I will hold on through these trials
But I need You to lift this load
‘Cause I can’t take it no more
That was when I started sobbing. The chorus gripped my attention:
Take the shackles off my feet
So I can dance
I just wanna praise You
Just wanna praise You
You broke the chains
Now I can lift my hands
And I’m gonna praise You
Despite all the challenges our family had been through in such a short period of time, I was reminded in the midst of my exhaustion; at the height of my frustration, God WAS taking care of us. He had sent angels to feed my family, to care for my children, the ones at home and even the ones at the hospital, to give me a break so I could spend the night in my own bed and get a full night’s sleep.
He had sent a song. I knew we would be alright.