Exactly one day after Josiah turned 13, I began praying some very specific prayer requests for him. I’ve been asking God to keep him free from aggression and self injurious behaviors; for protection from germs so he can stay healthy; for a functional form of communication in all of his environments and for wisdom about his medications.

Given all Josiah has been through since then, one might think God hasn’t been paying attention, but I know He is at work. Josiah’s medications have been tweaked and he’s doing really well right now. His mood is stabilized.  He’s sleeping great.  He’s even beginning to have success using his Ipad for some basic communication.

In addition to these prayers, I’ve also been praying for something else.  Something huge. It has been on my heart for a while. A small part of me has always felt it’s what’s best for Josiah. However, I wanted to be absolutely, positively, without a doubt, SURE before moving forward. I need to know it’s the right thing to do since it so greatly impacts many other things. For the past 9 months I’ve been praying for wisdom about whether or not to home school Josiah.

Are we ever 100% sure about anything?  Do we ever have that it’s-all-or-nothing, there’s no turning back now feeling when we embark on a new, potentially challenging adventure? Even if all signs point to yes, isn’t there still a teeny, tiny possibility in our heart of hearts that we aren’t so sure?  I mean there are no guarantees in life right?

So the best we can do, I believe, is to pray. Pray often and pray hard. Then when there is great peace about a prayer request, we just need to step out in faith, trusting God will lead and direct as He sees fit.  (Emphasis here on GREAT peace.) Though I’ve felt peace, I’ve done nothing about it. And actually, truth be told, I’ve avoided it like the plague.

I’ve known since Josiah was 3 years old, attending PPCD (preschool program for children with disabilities) his education should look different.  For the past 10 years, he’s been attending public school, in special education classrooms with an individualized education plan. He’s been blessed with incredible teachers who have been loving and kind, filled with compassion and genuinely vested in helping him achieve his goals. We are truly grateful for all they have done for him.

But I see the clock ticking. This kid is a teenager already. There are things he should be able to do by now that he isn’t doing. Here are just a few examples: Josiah needs to be completely toilet trained. He needs to stop chewing on his hands and stop slapping himself in the head (as if he just realized he could have had a V8 and missed the opportunity). He needs a way to express his needs and wants, without being so frustrated.  He needs to decrease his dependence on others and acquire quite a few self-help skills which will benefit him in the long run.

Are these lofty goals? Perhaps. Are they within Josiah’s capabilities? I don’t know.  I do know this.  Josiah has more potential than most people give him credit for (including me half the time).  I think he can make great strides.  I’m willing to give him every opportunity to prove me wrong.

And if a month or so into it, things turn sour, forget everything I just said.  I’ll enroll Josiah back in school and chalk it all up to experience.

I am 100% SURE of that!