Josiah struggles with self injurious behaviors, including punching himself in the head. The time between ‘episodes’ has been growing shorter and shorter while the intensity of each incident has been worsening.  It’s painful to witness.

It appears to have started in early May of  this year.  At least that’s what Rick and I shared with the hospital staff in September and October.  But I seem to recall some behaviors earlier in the year as well.

You’d think as parents, focused on ensuring the best for their child, remembering all these little details would be second nature, but apparently not. I’m here to tell you it’s been going on for a long time.  Much longer than I ever imagined and that’s so hard to believe.

Last week I read through all the blog posts I’ve written under the ‘Challenges’ section, starting back in May of 2011.

Here’s some of what I had written: Josiah screamed all the way off the bus. He screamed all the way down the hall at school. He got in the classroom, picked up a chair and hurled it across the room. He repeatedly punched himself in the head. Josiah’s teacher was concerned something was terribly wrong. She figured he was in some sort of pain. She had never seen him behave so wildly.

On another blog post:  Recently Josiah’s behavior has become very challenging. Since Friday he has decided to scream more often than not. He got off the bus that day and refused to walk. He screamed from the time the bus pulled away until much later in the day. Friday was a half day of school. I listened to Josiah scream for hours.

And another: Yesterday was rough for Josiah. He screamed off and on for almost 2 hours. This time it had nothing to do with the bus. Yesterday was Sunday. He was home with us, just hanging out. For most of the day he was perfectly fine. He was smiling. He was content. He was well behaved. Then, out of no where, he started to scream. Each time he screamed, he reached up with both of his hands, grabbed fist fulls of his own hair and pulled. He yanked hard.

He did this repeatedly. Sometimes, after he was finished screaming and pulling, he’d smile or even giggle and go back to just relaxing. During these screaming episodes, he climbed up on my lap. I held him close. I know he needed me to comfort him. I had no idea what was bothering him.

He was 9 at the time.  He’s 15 now.

How is it possible for the past 6 years Josiah has been struggling with self injurious behaviors, screaming, aggression towards others, including painful crying and we only thought it started 6 months ago?

How did we not remember all the times Josiah attacked us, ripping out fistfuls of hair while screaming?

After gathering lots of data I shared it with Rick.  He was as shocked as I was. We are well aware it’s been a struggle for quite some time but how could we possible have missed this HUGE piece of the puzzle.  This is not new behavior.  It’s been going on for far too long.

I have no reasonable explanation.  Maybe it’s living in survival mode for so many years that hampers memory? But here’s the takeaway.  If you are the parent of a child with special needs, I’d highly encourage you to keep a journal.  Write down some notes every few days, highlighting any changes in behavior, being as explicit as you can, dating each entry.

I hope you never need it, but it just may come in handy down the road.