We are packing up today. In the wee hours of the morning we will be heading out for a family vacation. This will be the first one we have taken with all 7 of us together, in a very long time. Josiah was in a residential treatment facility last summer. He did not go with us when we drove up to Ohio and Pennsylvania to visit family and friends.

This year we are driving a much shorter distance. We are heading to Florida. It should only take us about 9.5 hours to get there. It’s best to do as much of the driving as possible while the kids are all sleeping. 7 of us with all of our necessary belongings in a 7 passenger van makes for a rather tight squeeze. There is not much leg room for stretching. If we travel during daylight hours there is more opportunity for sibbling squabbles. We learned many years ago traveling at night works best for our family.

Rick and I take turns driving and the kids sleep peacefully in the back. This year we have help now that the 2 older girls are both seasoned drivers. I’m anticipating the trip to and from our destination will be a breeze.

It’s the BEING at our destination that has me a bit concerned. Josiah adores water. He loves spending time in the pool and in the ocean. Since we will be right on the beach, I’m hoping he will be a happy camper getting lots of great water time in each day. However, Josiah has also been screaming for about 2 hours each day. Typically, something will upset him. Something sometimes as trivial as him wanting a drink of water, but not letting us know.

We’re never really sure what it is that sets him off. Sometimes it’s him reacting in frustration because we have no idea what he wants and he has no way of letting us know. Other times it seems to be related to him objecting to doing what we’re asking him to do. Most often though, we have no clue as to why Josiah screams.

He has also begun punching himself hard in the head. About 50-60 times a day, whenever he is frustrated, Josiah will punch himself on both sides of his head with both fists. The other morning he woke up with big bruises on his temples. It is so very sad. It breaks my heart to see my little boy get so upset that the only way he can relieve his frustration is to inflict self injury.

I’ve tried blocking the punches. They come so quickly though, I’m not always right there to intervene. Other times when I have successfully blocked the punches, he reaches around my hands and grabs his hair. He yanks at it hard, while screaming. I’m beginning to think we may need to get a helmet for him to wear. Though I can imagine what an ordeal it would be to get Josiah to put one on his head, let alone wear it for any length of time.

When Josiah screams, it is loud. It is very upsetting. It is very difficult to listen to. Most often, I am the one listening to it and trying to comfort Josiah. Lots of times Rick listens to it as well. Josiah’s siblings typically get as far away from the screaming as possible, whenever possible. It won’t be possible while traveling cooped up together in a vehicle. It won’t be possible when on vacation, spending all of our time together. It may just be that Josiah’s siblings have to endure alot more of his screaming than ever before. It could make for a very LONG vacation for everyone.

This week I will be doing lots of praying. I’ve already been praying in prepartion for the trip. I pray that Josiah will be calm and peaceful. I pray he will have no reason to scream. I pray he will have fun. I pray we will create wonderful family memories on this trip. I pray we get though this week without incident.

But I also know better than to imagine things were different than they really are. Our life is what it is. We just have to make the best of it. We can’t put our lives on hold because Josiah screams for 2 hours a day. We can’t put our lives on hold because he punches himself in the head and pulls at his hair. We just have to plug along, hoping and praying for the best.

I’ve said it before. God does not give us more than we can handle. What doesn’t kill us, only serves to make us stronger. I’d just like God to know that I feel plenty strong already. I’d really like to stay at this level of strength for a while. Please God, don’t let this week be one in which You want to see us grow. Please let this be a week of rest and relaxation.

I’m praying. I’d greatly appreciate your prayers too.