Last night, Rick and I talked briefly about the recent behavior challenges with Josiah.  Rick confessed it felt hopeless.  He admitted he was overwhelmed and confused by the onset of some new behaviors.  He said he’s trying to understand what all this is supposed to mean.  What’s the lesson behind all of this?  That’s my husband for you.  He’s the analytical one, always trying to figure things out.  I’m not sure there are answers, quite honestly.

Lately, Josiah has been aggressively pulling my hair.  Some would suggest it’s his way of seeking attention. I don’t think so, though he definitely gets ALL of my attention when he pulls my hair.  Saturday, when we were in Target, Josiah pulled me, by my hair, nearly to the ground. It took 2 of us to unwrap his fingers from the strands.

Rick escorted Josiah out of the store immediately.  They were going to wait in the car while the girls and I finished our shopping.  On the way out of Target, Josiah reached out and grabbed the hair of a woman passing by. Rick had to sheepishly apologize as her husband glared at him.

Yesterday, Josiah was strapped in the back seat of the car.  I was directly in front of him, in the driver’s seat. As I began to back the car out of the driveway, Josiah lunged forward and forcefully yanked large sections of my hair, with both his hands. It caught me by surprise. I slammed on the brakes and tried not to react.

Josiah pulled my head back with such strength I was initially unable to even put the car in ‘park’. The shoulder strap of the seat belt kept me pinned against the chair.  I twisted around the best I could, keeping the brake pedal pressed to the floor board so we wouldn’t roll out into the street.

I tried my best to release Josiah’s fingers from my hair. He had a tight grip and was not letting go.  As I worked a few strands free from one of his hands, he’d instantly grab another section. The pain was intense. Those few moments felt like they would never end.  Quite honestly, I wasn’t sure how I would get out of this situation.

I pulled forward to put the car in park and leaned sideways to unstrap the seat belt, with Josiah bouncing wildly, still firmly grasping my hair in his hands. My only thought was to escape as quickly as possible. With much effort, I freed my hair from Josiah’s hands and darted out of the car as fast as I could.

Josiah lurched forward to grab my hair as I exited.  I closed the door behind me and just stood in the driveway, stunned.  Clumps of hair fell from my head.  My sweet little guy was gleefully bouncing in the back seat, oblivious to the pain and agony he had just caused. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

I called Jesse to come and help. He removed Josiah from the car and walked him into the house. As Josiah passed by me, he lunged for my hair, yet again.

Last night, when Rick and I were talking. he said he doesn’t understand what we are supposed to be learning from incidents like these.  He had questions.  Where do we get help?  What are we supposed to do?  What is the answer?  Are we supposed to discover it on our own?  Are we supposed to figure it all out so we can help others?

Rick’s a thinker.  Me, not so much.  I told Rick, we are supposed to pray.  Then I said, ‘Dear God, we have no idea what is going on with Josiah. We don’t know why he is behaving like he is.  We don’t know what to do to help him.  It is out of control and we need help.  You have all the answers, we don’t.  We are giving this problem to you. Fix it.  Amen.’

I am so very grateful to serve a loving God who has all the answers and allows us to cast our cares on Him. I’m completely trusting He will take care of all of this.  I am letting it go.  Oh, and from now on, I’m wearing one of these: