Day 48

Without words, Josiah communicates loud and clear sometimes. Last week, he let his amazing caregiver and me know he was not interested in going to a movie.  He did not even want to get out of the van, truth be told. However, once given a direction, it’s very important we follow through so Josiah learns compliance and doesn’t try to use inappropriate behaviors to get what he wants.

Since we told Josiah to get out of the van, we had to make sure he did.  Believe me, it took quite a bit of effort, met with an equal amount of resistance.  Please understand, the point here is not to force Josiah to do what has been requested, but rather to ensure he complies. If it means waiting him out, that’s what we do.  In this case, we waited a long time.

Once Josiah was out of the van and the door was closed, he immediately tried to yank the door open again. When that didn’t work, he plopped down in the parking lot, refusing to budge.  Do you see how this could become a problem if Josiah learned these behaviors worked for him? Much like dealing with a toddler having a tantrum, we held our ground, firmly, yet lovingly.

When it became immediately apparent Josiah was in no mood for a movie, we came up with a plan to gain compliance.  We simply told him he needed to go for a short walk with us. Actually what we said was, “short walk, then van”.  Josiah knew that meant if he complied with our request, he would get his wish, which was to get back in the van and get out of there.

Waiting for him to comply took a very long time.  When Josiah fell to the ground, we turned to walk away.  I knew from experience Josiah would jump up to follow us.  He did.  Over and over again, he jumped up, raced to where we were standing and tried to grab our arms to drag us back to the van.  I communicated to him that we knew what he wanted.  I told him we understood he was frustrated and wanted to go back in the van.  But then reminded him, “walk first, then van”.

Josiah repeated this cycle many, many times.  Plop to the ground, race to grab my arm, attempt to drag me to the van, get mad and drop to the ground again.  At first he just seemed mildly annoyed that he was not getting his way.  Very quickly his annoyance turned to anger.  He had a minor melt down, protesting vocally as well.  His face showed great frustration and it sounded like he was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  Yet, when you looked over at Josiah, there were no tears on his face.  He was just very mad.

Fortunately, during one of the times he raced over to us, he seemed calmer.  I reached for his arm and said, “walk first, then van”.  Immediately, we all started walking, rather quickly, just a short walk, down the sidewalk, around a pillar and then back to the van.  Josiah didn’t really resist.  As soon as we got to the van, I opened the door and he happily climbed up into his seat. I was relieved we were done with our stand off. I was happy Josiah FINALLY complied and we could get out of there and move on with the rest of our day. I figured we had ‘won’ and taught Josiah a very valuable lesson.  And then it dawned on me.

In Josiah’s mind, he might have been thinking, “Thank goodness, they finally got it.  It only took 30 minutes, but they are learning.  Hopefully next time they will catch on a little quicker.”