I am still no closer to discovering what it is that’s distressing my son. I’m not sure why he screams everyday after school. I called for some back up. Thursday afternoon, the Autistic Support Team Specialist arrived shortly before Josiah’s bus pulled up. She is well aware Josiah has been having great difficulty getting off the bus and into the house. He melts down right on the side walk. I’ve tried everything I can think of to help him. She has given me some great suggestions to try as well. However, nothing has helped.

So on Thursday, she hid in the front room and peeked out the mini blinds to watch. Maybe together, she and I would pick up on what is triggering Josiah’s behavior. It was a huge relief to me that she was here. I was excited to know her expert eyes and ears would pick up on whatever it was I was missing. She would put the missing piece of the puzzle together for me and we would get past this hiccup.

The bus pulled up. The doors opened. Josiah grabbed for the handrail and walked down the steps. His aide handed me his backpack. Josiah reached for my hand, walked onto the sidewalk and then lowered himself to the ground. As the bus pulled off it began to rain. I stooped next to Josiah, showed him the first picture of his picture schedule and said, ‘Backpack away’. He stood straight up, took my hand and walked right up the side walk, into the house, as if he hadn’t a care in the world.

The specialist praised him big time when he walked in the house. She greeted him at the door with big hugs and huge smiles and high fives. She encouraged him for doing the very thing he had done uneventfully for weeks before (but was not doing so much lately). She was pleased he had done so well. I was not.

How was this going to help me? If she wasn’t seeing what Josiah was doing during his meltdowns how could she help? She offered to ride the bus with him next week. She can be his eyes and ears and tune in to what he might be seeing or hearing that is upsetting him. Hopefully that will help.

The very next day, when she was not here, peeking through the windows, Josiah was back to screaming. The boy shrieked for 2 hours. From the time the bus doors opened until exactly 2 hours later, Josiah screamed. I just held him. I’m guessing this is going to be our life for a while, until something changes. So, I’ve come up with a new plan. If Josiah has to escape from whatever is frustrating him, by screaming, I will escape too. Mine is a bit more pleasant though. I have decided to focus on something better. I have decided to focus on Bora Bora.

I held Josiah close while he screamed. I pulled up YouTube on my phone and typed in Bora Bora. I showed Josiah the images on the screen while explaining I will go there. I told him he could go to. I told him we could even move there. I told him we could rent out kayaks. He could be the guy who pushes the kayaks into the water. I told him we could open our own business in Bora Bora and stay there forever. He continued to scream. I downloaded a picture of Bora Bora as the wallpaper on my phone.

Eventually, I put my phone in my pocket. I got out my laptop. If Josiah was going to keep screaming, I needed bigger pictures. I found lots of beautiful scenes of Bora Bora. I downloaded one as my screen saver on my laptop. I watched more videos of the resorts in Bora Bora. Josiah kept screaming. I kept watching.

It just dawned on me. This is kind of like having a baby. They teach you in Lamaze class to focus on something during labor pains. Find an object in the room or bring a favorite object from home. Breathe deep, stare at the image, focus and eventually the pain will pass. That’s how it is for me with Josiah. I’ve tried everything possible to help him. Nothing so far has helped. I really am at a loss as to what else to do. Apparently, he just needs to scream. I know when he has a meltdown he will stop screaming, eventually. I just have to get through the pain. My focus is Bora Bora.

Since I apparently can’t fix what is ailing my son, I can at least work through it. Bora Bora helps. It doesn’t necessarily help Josiah. He screams with or without Bora Bora images scrolling by on the screen. But it definitely helps me.

When Josiah screams, I am there. I can see the crystal clear turquoise water. I can feel the warm tropical breeze. It’s quiet in Bora Bora. It’s peaceful and relaxing. I am in paradise. Josiah doesn’t scream in Bora Bora.

So far, for me, it’s working.